Sometimes it seems that nothing interesting ever happens up here on the Canadian political landscape. Our American cousins have wide stance senators in airport washrooms and congressmen having tickle fights with interns and of course a president that liked to pontificate on the taste of a good cigar. But we need to stop being such self-deprecating little whiners and appreciate the weirdos and perverts on this side of the border.
Conservatives are often the culprits in both countries though not exclusively as the reference to Clinton shows. It is not really that the Liberals are all that chaste. But Conservatives are always lecturing us to be choirboys, seemingly forgetting that being a choirboy can be hazardous to your virginity.
Some of us are old enough to remember the Gerda Munsinger Affair that scandalized the Conservative government of John Diefenbaker. Apparently Gerda had done the rounds of the Conservative party leadership including the minister of defence. She was rumoured to have connections to the East German secret police. The story was disseminated in the early 1960s, likely by the Kennedy administration who worked tirelessly to oust poor old Dief and install the more likable (at least to Kennedy) Lester Pearson.
More recently there was the scandal over Maxime Bernier leaving secret documents at his girlfriend’s home. Pundits at the time wondered why he would risk his political career by dating a woman with biker connections who had once worked as an exotic dancer. Ah! our intrepid media, a brain trust if there ever was one. I can give you two very large reasons up front it you would like. If the reporters don’t realize why they should talk to their cameramen because they always seemed to place the reason front and center.
Now we have the dynamic duo of scandal, Rahim Jaffer and wife Helena Guergis. Allegations have been brought to the prime minister’s attention of some shenanigans by Ms. Guergis and she was asked to resign from cabinet and was at the same time expelled from caucus. Although no official word has surfaced as to what specifically she is supposed to have done rumours abound. The only observation I will make is that having a minister resign is a common tactic to ease pressure and embarrassment for the government. But also expelling the member from caucus in one fell swoop is not an every day occurrence. Whatever this is Harper must think it makes him and his government, which is the same thing, look really, really bad. I can hardly wait I am so excited with anticipation.
In the meantime, let’s have a look at her husband Rahim Jaffer a former Conservative MP from Alberta, land of cold hearts and toxic waste. Apparently, Mr. Jaffer was internalizing some toxic waste of his own last September when he was pulled over by Ontario police. He was speeding, drunk and cocaine was found in his car. In a plea bargain the more serious impaired and drug possession charges were dropped and he pled guilty to the lesser charge of careless driving. Wait for it. That’s not the best part.
The reason for pleading Mr. Jaffer down was the Crown’s decision that conviction was unlikely. Why you might ask? Well the Ontario Keystone Cops refused to let the man see his own lawyer on request and made the poor man get naked. That’s right, naked. Now I know we hear constantly in the media that there is a shortage of cops out there and the workload is getting pretty heavy. Dalton McGuinty says these little slip ups will happen from time to time. But really now, give these poor guys some R and R and let them see their wives and girlfriends once in a while. We can’t have police roaming the highways looking for some unsuspecting speeder to fulfill their fantasies.
Now I could be interpreting this wrong. After all I am reading it in a CBC report where the wording could be read another way. The actual quote is “… repeatedly denying Jaffer access to his own lawyers and a strip search after he was pulled over on a rural road …”. So was Jaffer asking for a strip search. Maybe he’s thought the silhouette of his body in the moonlight would bring a soft sigh and a warning rather than arrest. Either way our police need to find better ways to relieve the tension. Perhaps that could be a new use for those tasers they are so fond of.
Of course, even if the Crown had moved forward on the cocaine charges Jaffer could have used Richard Hatfield’s defence. Hatfield, then Conservative premier of New Brunswick, was found at Fredericton airport with a bag of marijuana in his luggage. He denied it belonged to him and had the police dust the bag for prints. When his weren’t found charges did not proceed.
So thank you for being consistent, Conservative party. Hypocrisy is what you are best at. Good thing cause you aren’t good for anything else. The Liberals may be slimy, power-hungry spawn of Satan who would pimp their mother for a vote, but at least they admit it. The Conservative choir may sing like angels but up close there cassocks smell of booze and stale sex.



In this round of minorities the egos of the players get in the way. Mr. Harper strikes at Mr. Ignatieff’s narcissism and lengthy sojourn to the land of the drive-thru gun shop. Mr. Ignatieff parries and replies with a thrust at Mr. Harper’s dogmatism. The King-makers are the 2 court jesters. Painted harlequins they prance around the two main party leaders, now getting smacked aside, now being embraced and cajoled. Their patrons laugh and sneer at them at caucus meetings and use them as they wish in the House of Commons. They stand as the most fitting symbol of the current state of Canadian politics: parliament would be funny if so many people weren’t getting hurt.
Osama bin Laden and this pamphlet by Thomas Paine and then go kill the infidel because bin Laden is right and Paine is wrong.‘ My
suspicion is that Al Qaeda training facilities do not have well stocked and balanced libraries. The abuse is not in presenting the children with a biased idea, all ideas are by nature biased, it is in presenting the idea as the only idea. Omitting information from children in order to inculcate any social agenda is abuse. And therefore anyone who would perpetrate such abuse should be sanctioned by our society accordingly. Presenting children with all perspectives but saying that we as Canadians, or in this community or this family believe that one or the other perspective is the correct one is different. That is not necessarily abuse. A child’s country, community and most particularly family will likely be more persuasive than an obscure author. The child may therefore be guided by such authoritative opinion but they still are aware that other perspectives do exist. It might cross the line into abuse if we were to present the other perspectives with derision or ridicule. This is not an exact science and a judgement call must be made at what point abuse occurs. But the case I have in mind at the moment clearly crosses that line. 

Where I differ from the hotties with the olive drab pompoms is, if you make out that she was a hero, you can’t say this is a minor controversy. Heroes are a special category of people or sandwiches if you come from New York. Therefore this would be by definition a serious controversy. But she wasn’t a hero. She was a young woman with her whole life before her who died under a foreign sky for geopolitical reasons she never fully understood. This is a tragedy; not the fall of Agamemnon. Calling her a hero implies her death was necessary; it served a greater good. That may assuage the consciences of the political masters who threw her life on the dust heap of history. But it will never fill the empty chair at family gatherings or give her parents grandchildren. Maybe if Canadians would come to grips with that we might have fewer tragedies and the Canadian military would have fewer opportunities to trip over its own braid.


